i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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