i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
