Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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