I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize