I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
