She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
