Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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