How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
