Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
