forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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