Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
