A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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