And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
