"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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