Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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