She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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