Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
another moral hangover. fuck.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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