i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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