She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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