its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
