Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
