I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
