all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
