I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
