She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
