So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
