Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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