So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
