Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
