jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
