You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
