Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
