I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize