I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
