no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
