So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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