what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
