The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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