oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
