I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
