You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
