I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she looked like the before picture.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
