Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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