He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
