Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
