Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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