I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
