i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
