my shit smells like andre
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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