The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
