i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
try to milk me bitch
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize