We're facebook friends in real life
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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