New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
