i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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