I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
