Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
