I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
