K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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