Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
