he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
