I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize