Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Don't make out with my wife yet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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