I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
