there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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