Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
