yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
