he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
