Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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