Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He shit in the fireplace
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
