the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
