I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
