I'm eating all of the evidence.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
