the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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