carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
