This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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