I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
