Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
