I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
