Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
