I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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