Cold hands, warm shart.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
