I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
