WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize