maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
