Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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