im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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