two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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