Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
