the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ttyl tear gas
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
