Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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