he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
