HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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