and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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