she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she smelled like a LAN party
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
