i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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