listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
