i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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