I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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