The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
