I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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