u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
