If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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