Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
