The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
