you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
