Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
