The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
