Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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