we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
