Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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