The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
People in love make me want to vomit
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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