The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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